They’re the ones who’ve been there in ways that don’t require constant contact or shared routines. We don’t talk every week. We don’t keep up with the minutiae of each other’s lives. But the thread has never really broken.
These are the people who showed up early.
Who helped me find my feet.
Who nudged my career in the right direction.
Who went into business with me, or worked alongside me for a season.
Who believed in me before there was much evidence to back that up.
We don’t do life together day to day now.
But we still do honesty.
There’s the occasional message (sometimes thoughtful, sometimes tipsy) sent just to say how are you or we should catch up soon. And even when “soon” turns into months or years, the tone never changes. There’s no guilt. No keeping score. Just warmth.
I think that kind of friendship is underrated.
Especially as you get older, and energy becomes something you have to spend carefully. At this time of year energy feels precious. When you live with an autoimmune condition, it’s not just a vague concept. It’s a finite resource. Something you ration, protect, and pay attention to.
Some relationships ask a lot.
They need regular reassurance, emotional labour, constant tending.
And sometimes, you just don’t have it to give.
The friends who stay quietly don’t demand.
They don’t drain.
They don’t make your tiredness something you have to explain.
They understand that life comes in waves. That health fluctuates. That work, change, and recovery all take up space. They leave room for you to show up exactly as you are.
As I’ve been learning to let some connections go, I’ve become more aware of these steadier ones. The friendships that don’t compete for attention. That don’t rely on habit. That survive because they’re built on trust rather than routine.
They’ll know who they are.
And I hope they know how grateful I am.
Here’s to the ones who stay, gently, without demand and still matter deeply.
Here’s to friendships that respect energy, time, and change.
Here’s to telling our stories with confidence,
Justine
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